A Thankful Farewell

Hi there everyone! I cannot believe this semester flew by so fast. I want to dedicate this blog to Ashley and thank her for being such a great professor. She not only taught us many valuable things that I had never thought of or heard of in regards to marriage and family, but she was also a great listener.  I have never had a professor that listened to everyone’s opinion and did not judge what they had to say. She, to me, became more than a professor; Ashley became a friend who treated us like adults and respected our thoughts. I am so thankful that I got to take this course with her because I learned so much and got to express many things I had on my mind. This class was one of those awesome classes where I got to listen to what other people had to say about things I was not well aware of which is priceless because I learned an array of things I used to be ignorant in. Ashley, thank you so much for not letting our classes early and making sure you used up all your time to teach us that extra little concept you felt we needed to learn. I feel you are a wonderful mother and a great example for your daughter Olive. It was also a pleasure to meet your daughter, your ex, and your mother because it made me feel that even though you’re our professor, you take us (your students) to be humans that like to meet new people and learn more about our professor’s lives, which I think is important to establish a good relationship/bond. You are truly an inspiration to all of my classmates and myself. Thank you for all that you’ve taught us and for listening to us.

Thankfully,

Clara Flores

The Truth Behind My Perspective on Marriage

With respect to the structure and agency model we have talked about in previous lectures, I have come to realize that a big chunk of my life I would say is controlled by my family because I tend to do things that my parents would agree with. Although I ultimately make my own decisions such as deciding what I do on the weekends, what I eat, and who I hang out with, I know that other decisions are greatly influenced by my parents. I know that coming to Baylor was something they wanted me to do because they wanted me to succeed and fight for a life they always wanted but could not have because of their low social economic status. I would also have to say that my current relationship with my significant other is great thus far but I feel that I am in a way expected to be with someone like him, therefore feel that my family influences some of the major things that go on in my life.

To start off, I want to firstly mention that I have been with my significant other for exactly six years and one month. We have had our ups and downs but have always overcome those silly obstacles. I can openly say that I want to get married to him if God permits me to. I obviously not only want to get married for love because I know there are so many other components that go with being married. I want to get married because it is going to benefit my income since I am going to have someone to help me out economically. I want to be able to also to have children because I know they would bring happiness to our lives. I think that the purpose of marriage is to be able to be with someone that can support you emotionally, can give you love, help you reproduce, and help your SES.

The person that I am most likely to marry is someone that is confident, is hard-working, has father-like characteristics, is genuinely nice, and is a faithful to God. I believe that if a man has most of these characteristics, he will be not only a wonderful individual with everyone around him but will also be an incredible husband and father. I really want a husband who cares about his family and strives to be the best man that he can be in the eyes of the Lord.

The family structure I would like to have in my house is something similar to my own family’s because I really liked how my mother raised my brother and me. Till this day, my brother and I have a very close relationship with my mother because we were raised to always communicate with each other and resolve things calmly. My mother was able to be stern in her own way without having to ever hit us or talk to us in a bad way. I know that at the beginning of the semester I said that I wanted to have six children but I think that I have opened my eyes a little more and have decided to have anywhere from three to four children. I have decided that this would be best because I want to be able to give all of my children undivided attention and be also able to afford their college tuitions. Even though my parents are still together after all of their endless arguments, I want to be able to live with my husband and be able to communicate adequately, which is different from my parents. I want to prove to society that not everyone gets a divorce. And even if we remain together, I want to be able to have a happy marriage and not one like my mother experienced with my father because I know that everyone deserves to be happy. I am not against people getting divorces, but I know that in my church, which is a catholic church, would not really agree with re-marrying after a person gets a divorce. I was also raised thinking that a couple should try their very best to talk things over and try to stay in the marriage because when you have God in your relationship, He will guide your lives and will help anyone overcome any hardships that might come their way. On the other hand, I think that if I have an abusive husband who does not care about his family and does not try to be a man of God, I would probably get a divorce but not re-marry. I know that to many, this would be kind of absurd, but I personally think that I rather be a mother than a woman. If I would get a divorce, I want to be able to care for my children and not care about wanting to re-marry. But, as you can see, I really want to avoid having to get a divorce because I want to work things out with my husband. I just have faith in God that He will put the right man in my path and will help me become a better individual who strives to please God and does what God brought us here for.

Love to me is extremely important because I think it is what ultimately keeps a relationship together. If the love dies, you can try to work things out to a certain extent until the spark dies once more. I do believe that people do fall out of love because of the negative things that may go on the relationship. I remember the 5 to 1 ratio that our professor talked about in class when I think of falling out of love because how many times do we make mistakes in what we say to our significant others? And how many times after apologizing do we do five things to make it up? Exactly, I do not think everyone does the five nice things that will help a person be in good terms with another after perhaps hurting their feelings. I am pretty sure that if people make an effort in applying the 5:1 ratio, many people will be happier in their lives because this wise procedure will help take away the bad feelings that the first bad action caused in a person.

I feel that I will remain satisfied with my husband as long as we have great communication; we live our relationship under the eyes of God; live an egalitarian marriage, and talk openly about our finances. I think that if we live a pure life and constantly devote ourselves to helping each other, we will be able to overcome anything that might come in our way. I also think that if we live as an egalitarian couple, we might be able to be more equal in contrast to other Mexican couples that I have met. I know that I do not want a husband who is a “machista” because being that way only hurts a relationship. I can say that because my father was a machista he always disrespected my mother and treated her as if she were an animal and was less than him. I want a man who will respect me and help me do housework as well as help me raise all of our children because if only one person does most of the work around the home, kids will pick up on these traits and will then expect for their mother to always do all of the housework, unless their children are mature enough to understand that their father’s actions are wrong. Another component of a satisfied marriage is being able to communicate well on the topic of our finances because I now know that money is the number one reason why marriages dissolve. If a couple does not speak clearly about their finances, one individual in the couple might do things that are not good for the couple’s economic well-being, therefore monopolizing their money and their relationship.

If I had answered these questions before I had taken this course I probably would have only mentioned the part that involved love. I know love is very important, but I have now learned that many more things take place in a successful marriage. Since I have taken this course, I have decided that I want to try to live an egalitarian life with my husband when I get married because I do not want to experience what my mother lived through by being married to a machista man. I want to be able to live in a marriage where we both can combine our incomes and decide what is best for our family. As a woman, I also want to be able to stand up for my rights and get a divorce if I am mistreated because there is no point in being in a relationship where people do not change. Yes it is a good thing to try to fix things and put faith in God that He will help us resolve our problems, but we have to admit that sometimes a divorce is inevitable if things are just not working out. Even though I do not want to get a divorce because I have high hopes that my marriage will be a successful one, I have to be ready and accept divorce as something that can make my life better if I in the future suffer by being with someone who is abusive towards my family and myself.

In final words, I have to say that I learned a great deal of important things in this course and plan to use important concepts I learned in my future life because they are helpful to our lives. As an emerging adult, I feel happy to be able to express my ideas to everyone who reads my blogs and be able to share what I feel towards marriage and what I hope to have in my future as an adult.

 

Joyfully yours,

Clara Flores

Monogamy or Polygamy?

After discussing monogamy and polygamy during class, I really began to think of how I would feel if my significant  other would have three other women besides me and let me be honest with you: I would abhor the idea!

The first thing that popped into my head when we began talking about this intriguing topic was the show “Sister Wives”. In short, this show is about the life of four wives, their children, and their husband Kody. As I began to watch this show, I soon realized that even though these wives seem to be happy at times because they support each other emotionally, they appeared to also have a lot of tension. By this, I mean that there were more bad moments in the show that included anger, tension, and a lot of emotional distress. I can honestly say that I do not blame these women because it must very hard to know that your husband feels that he needs someone else to satisfy what you don’t give him. After trying to put myself in the shoes of these women I also thought to myself that I would not be a happy camper. Since I am a jealous person, and can openly say that, I think that I would always have a hard time coping what is going on with my husband and all his other wives. I think in this way because even though I am in a monogamous relationship and if I would ever get cheated on, I know that I would feel horrible. Well, now picture feeling this throughout your life while your husband continues to marry more women and also continues to have more children that suddenly take your place along with your children…Not a good feeling, now is it? Can you imagine how terrible their children must feel to not be able to have their father at their events because he has like twenty other children to spend time with them?

In conclusion, I have to say that I do not agree with a polygamist society because (event though it may be sexually pleasing for men since they are the ones having all the women) it is emotionally drenching for women since they are the ones who have to cope with being replaced constantly and having to share their husband among all his other families.

 

Thoughtfully Yours,

Clara F.

What’s best for children?

We have been talking about divorce lately in class, so I thought it would be a good idea to express my feelings towards this subject since it can be something not many people enjoy talking about.

I first of all want to mention that my parents have been married for over twenty-six years. I can say right off the bat that most of those years were probably pretty bad for my mom. I say this because my mom has been the victim all these years from my father’s abusive self. As we were talking in class about this, I began to to think of all the traumatic events my brother and I have both faced throughout our entire childhood. And to say the truth, I really wish my parents would have gotten a divorce when my brother and I were younger because I think all their fights really affected my brother and I. By now, many of you might be asking yourselves why my mom did not leave my father if he hit her, threw chairs at her when he was drunk, cursed at her, and abused her in every possible way. Well, at first, my mom did not leave my dad because she was not economically dependent. He did not like the fact that she wanted to earn her own income, so he would not let her work. So, you can say that my mom stayed with my dad a good five years before she finally started working. When she did get a job, I can still remember hearing my dad scream at my mom and make her life a living hell. Since we did not have a house phone at the time because my father did not allow us to have one, the neighbors called the police many times because they would hear how he was abusing my mother. You would think that this would send my father to jail, but he always found a way to slip through and bring his illnesses as excuses to get away with what he head done to my mother. I can remember till this day living in some government housing for women who did not have a place to stay because my mother decided that it was best to leave my dad. Although we lived there for a couple of months, my mom and dad ended up getting back together because my dad would promise my mom that he would stop abusing her and that he was going to change. Well, his “new self” did not ever last long. By the time we knew it, my father was back to his old self. You would think that his illnesses like diabetes, high blood pressure, and arthritis would stop him from getting as angry as he did, but it did not. So you are probably asking yourself why did my mom not tell him to leave from the house she bought when she started working and earning her own income. Well the answer to this is that he refused to leave. Yes, you heard me. The man finally one day decided to say that he was never going to leave us alone because he wanted to make our lives miserable. Well, to make things short, my mom was too nice to even think of getting a restriction order or anything like that. All I remember hearing her say in response to my father’s words was that God knows what he does. She always told me that this world turns many times, and it will one day turn on him. Okay, so I know I have explained this super elaborated story on why mom and dad still have not gotten a divorce. It is obvious that there has not been love in their relationship for a long time and probably will never have. This is the reason why I believe that divorce is sometimes the best option for couples who just do not love each other anymore and pretty much hate each other. I can say with all sincerity that my brother and I had a pretty miserable childhood because of all the fights my parents had at home. I know that children will be so much happier and more calm if their parents get a divorce because even though it will be tough at times to know that your family is never going to be like the families we see on television, it is better to live at peace and not have tension for the rest of your life.

In final words, I want to say that divorce is a great option for couples when they know their marriage is not going to work out. It is hard to say this because everyone gets married with the idea that they are going to last forever, but fairy-tale marriages do not occur all the time. I do have to say that I am not going to lose faith in true love and in the hopes of marrying someone that will truly love me, respect me, and cherish me.

-Clara

The Pecking Order

I had a lot of time throughout this Thanksgiving break to think about my family and the pecking order that took place. I explained in one of the class discussions we had in class that I felt my older brother sacrificed many things in order to help me go to college and stay in college.

My brother Roger is four years older than me and currently works as a front desk receptionist in a hotel. Although he did attain his high school diploma, he decided that not going to college was the best thing for our family of four because he felt that he needed to help out our family economically by getting a job during high school and after he graduated from high school as well. I remember being in high school and hearing conversations among my brother and my parents about my education and how it was pretty much impossible to send me to college because there was no money that was left over from any of their paychecks. As my family continued to have economical problems, I vowed to do whatever I could to go to a University in hopes of getting a career and be able to help my family economically. As my high school years passed by, I became more and more determined to do my best because I realized that my brother wanted me to go to school so that I could do something in life. He would tell me on several occasions that he was very proud of me because I always received high grades in my classes and he knew I was putting my best effort. Now that I’m older, I realize that my brother sacrificed a lot of his free time and his opportunity to go to college because he knew that during the time I would be in college, my parents would need his help to pay utility bills, mortgage, and food. You could say that my brother has always been a very responsible individual even at his young age since he is only twenty-four because he does not spend his money on things like brand-named clothes or expensive items. He usually always gives my mom most of his money so that our family can have a shelter over our heads, especially now that both of my parents are unemployed.

On the gender aspect, I can definitely see that my parents treated me in a much softer way than my brother because they always seemed to be tougher on him with many things, but at the same time, they also gave him more freedom to go out and be independent.  I was always taught to act lady-like and learned how to cook from a very young age, whereas my brother did the outdoor work with my father and did the “manly” things around the house. My brother and I are both pretty fit and have stayed this was for a while now. I think this happened because we were always afraid to get diabetes since my dad has had it for a while now (I think over a decade). Many people have told us that my brother and I look very alike because we both have the same skin tone, we are both tall, and have a similar shape of our eyes and face.

With genetics, I believe we are both pretty intelligent and hardworking individuals because we were raised to do our best in everything. People may think that I am smarter than my brother because I am the one in college, but the thing is that we are probably close to same level of intelligence. The only difference is that my older brother had to sacrifice many things in order to have me come to Baylor and be worry free. He wanted me to not think about how my family was going to make it by and just focus on my studies. This is the reason why I love my brother so much. I know that not everyone is willing to do the things he has done for me.

In final words, I think the pecking order in my family is pretty clear to anyone that reads this blog or hear me talk about this in class. I believe my story about the sacrifices my brother has made in order to help stay in school are priceless because I know that what he has done is not an easy task. Both of my parents should be extremely proud of my brother for having such a caring and responsible child.

 

-Clara

Mary Wollstonecraft: A True Inspiration to Women

I just finished writing a research paper on women’s roles in the eighteenth century, so I though it would be a good idea to give some of my opinions on this subject.

In my paper, I talked extensively of Mary Wollstonecraft, a woman who you could say was one of the earliest feminist and was the mother of Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein. In her book, A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, she explains several things regarding women in the eighteenth century, but what caught my attention was the educational aspect of it. Wollstonecraft dedicates an entire chapter on national education. What I got most impacted by in this chapter was the fact that women were seen as less than men because they did not have an education. Women were thought of as too emotional and fragile because they had been raised in that way all of their lives. Contrasting this, men were raised to think in more rational terms and were offered an education that eventually made them “superior” to women. Wollstonecraft explained that if women would be educated along the side of men, they would not only become educated, but they would also become more independent. Women would also become wiser and individuals who have higher aspirations than to just stay at home, raise a family, and look pretty for their husbands. After focusing on this chapter for my research paper, I realized that women now a days are free to go out and receive an education and are more independent. This, I feel, is what Mary Wollstonecraft wanted. Even though women are still paid less than men and are discriminated at work because of their motherly status, I know that we have come a far way. We as women will fight to receive the things and treatment we deserve.

In final words, it can be said that Mary Wollstonecraft was the woman who began to slowly open the path for women because of her influential writings and her strong will to speak her mind. I am thankful that I am able to receive an education and to be able to make my own decisions because I know that many women, including my mother, were not given the liberty to do what their heart desired.

Those Nurses Will Hear the Best Of Me!

The panel we had in class was very informative and helped me understand the other details people do not talk about when they give birth like insurance costs,and  the way women are treated by the hospital staff.

All three women were very sweet and kind by taking time off to come and speak to our class on Monday. I first of all liked the fact that they talked to us about an array of subjects that were all linked together. I remember one of the topics being insurance. Although giving birth is the number one priority, it is very important to have medical bills and paperwork handled because giving birth in a hospital is very expensive. The women mentioned that the average cost is 10,000 dollars if there are no complications, while the price continues to go up if there are other problems that might need special medical attention. I remember one of the ladies say that her husband and her looked at jobs that offered an insurance that would pay for childbirth costs at a hospital. She also mentioned how they planned the day in which her husband would star working and when the day his insurance was going to be valid so that it could ultimately pay for her labor at the hospital. I now personally think that I am going to be the same way as they went about it because it is hard enough to pay for everything that we need in our daily lives, and adding a whopping 10 grand is not going to help the situation.

Another thing that the women talked about and I was astounded to hear about was that they were not treated well by the medical staff. The said that the nurses would ignore what they said and did things in their way. I truly felt bad for these women and for all the other women that have gone through similar situations because I do not agree with anyone being treated in this way. I think that if a person is at a hospital, they should be treated with respect and courtesy because they ARE paying for these services. It does not matter whether the money is coming from their wallet, from Medicaid, or from a major insurance company: everyone deserves respect because the last thing a person who is in deep pain wants is for someone to disrespect them. I also remember hearing them mention that the nurses would pop their water without even telling them that they were going to do that. I think this is so rude because no one should have the right to “penetrate” our body-like  one of the women that was in the presentation said.

In final words, I was really happy we had those wonderful three ladies on Monday because their feedback on the experiences they had when they gave labor really made me think about my own planning when the time is right. One very valuable think they told us was to stand up for ourselves and speak up because since it is our body, we have the right to chose who gets to see it and what they do to it.

 

Thoughtfully,

Clara F.

A Different Childhood

Our group assignment on Wednesday was very exciting and at the same time, I feel it was an eye-opener to many people because they got an idea of how families from lower incomes manage to survive.

I can openly admit that I came from a lower-income family and attended an inner-city school. I would have to say that I feel like I did not receive the same opportunities that other students my age got because my parents were never able to contribute economically to my education and extracurricular activities. After reading the chapter by Annette Lareau, I realized that the exact scenarios she explained on the lower-income families were some of my own experiences as a child. I always knew deep inside that there was another world from the one I was living in because I often heard of ballet classes and SAT prep courses on tv, yet I never saw a ballet studio near my home nor was I ever offered an SAT prep course at my local high school. Although I did come from a family who could only afford rent, food, utilities, and our phone bill, I have to admit that I feel like I appreciate the sacrifices my parents made for my brother and I. Even though we were not offered a car on our sixteenth birthday or a sweet sixteen bash, we knew that we did not need those things to complete our lives. My brother and I managed to live without many things that are now a part of most adolescent’s life. I mean, I can still remember being in high school and not having a cell phone because my parents could not afford one for themselves and much less for their kids. Something that came up in class was the idea that many children who come from lower0income families are in a way forced to work in order to contribute to the household. I often hear teenagers say that they worked during high school so they could pay for their cell phone, fancy bags and clothes, make-up, video games ect., but I had to work so that I could give my mom money to pay for our electricity and water bill. I don’t actually remember ever keeping my paycheck from Church’s chicken for myself because that would make me feel selfish and like I do not care about my family. Despite having many disadvantages in my childhood, especially when they dealt with not being exposed to activities outside the home and educational supplements, I was still able to come out at the very top of my class and received numerous academic scholarships because I knew that I wanted to go to the school of my dreams, I had to find scholarships that could pay for not only my tuition, but they also had to pay for my housing, meals, and other things I might need during my collegiate career. After many years of receiving the encouragement of my mother, I was able to attain many scholarships that were more than enough to help me pay for school and was accepted into all of the schools I was interested in. This is the reason why I am really big in encouraging our minorities because I know what it is to be a Hispanic woman who comes from a low-income family. I can honestly also say that I know what it is to always worry about how our family would make it through the week and to know that I there is a possibility that college would not be an option because there is no money to pay for it. Regardless of all these things that might appear as setbacks, a positive attitude and faith in God is what helps poor individuals like myself get through the hardships and reach the light. My hope is that minorities will develop a more optimistic view on life and will be strong enough to fight the battle that they go through each day and exceed their own expectations.

In final words, I really enjoyed reading the chapter and participating in the activity that was given to us during class because it helped me realize that even though I came from exactly what is being described as low-income, I am able to be at Baylor University and am able to have the same opportunities that other students who come from other backgrounds have.

Emerging Adulthood

When this class first started, we were all asked the question ” Do you consider yourself to be an adult?” and many of us after hearing what an adult is said that we were not adults. Then, what were we? Well, as Ashley explained as well as the book by Arnett explained, we are “Emerging Adults”. The concept of what it is to be emerging adults really got a hold of me because it was exactly what I fit into.

I would define myself as an emerging adult because I am more independent since I am no longer under the supervision of my parents and have to do things such as laundry, prepare meals, and clean my home by myself. Although I do not live at home during the school year, I still greatly depend on my parents because they openly await my arrival in their home during major holidays and after the school year has ended. Adding to this, I do not have a job because I am a full-time student; therefore, I am not financially independent because I would not be able to support myself if I was left out in the world without the help of my parents. Arnett, the author of Emerging Adulthood would put me in the “emerging adult” category because of the state I am in. In the book, Arnett constantly spoke about the “falling-in between”  feeling people in their late teens to late twenties experience. What he means by this is that we as emerging adults are stuck in a place where we do not have a super clear image of what we want in our future-which is only about five or six years away. He divides these subjects roughly into: relationship with our parents; our search for love and affection (and sex); College/Jobs, and our religious beliefs.

I often realize that I find myself going back to my parents for help whenever I need them, which I know that is what emerging adults do.Whether it may be emotional support or some extra bucks to help pay for my food expenses, I find it comforting to be able to have a better and sweeter relationship with my parents. Although we as emerging adults use our parent’s economic support at times, it is also obvious that we begin to develop a better relationship with them. I believe this happens because emerging adults are in the stage of matureness and have come to realize that parents aren’t so bad after all. Since parents are no longer there with you at all times to tell you what to do and what not to do, emerging adults feel more independent and are glad to be able to make decisions. I think our relationships with our parents improve when we realize that we should enjoy the time we send together because we know that we are soon going to have to depart back to our college campuses or to wherever we might be at during this stage. I for sure feel that I wasnt to absorb as much love as I can while I am with my parents because in a way, I learn to appreciate what I have and be proud that I have caring parents like them.

Another characteristic of an emerging adult is that during this stage, they are searching for love or affection, but are not quite ready to settle in. Emerging adults know that this is their time to explore and weed out what they like and what they don’t like in a realistic manner, but do not always do it realistically. I personally have come to realize that even though we may not find a “10″ in appearance, it is always important to look beyond looks, which I feel it may be hard for emerging adults because they want to experience and explore their options. I do have to point out that an earlier article we read in class by Lori Gottlieb helped me realize that if we wait too long for “that perfect person,” we might end up waiting forever and might end up in single-hood. Therefore, I strongly suggest that even though these years are the years for us to explore and hopefully find someone special, we should also not have unrealistic expectations that might harm our chance in finding someone that might be worth a while.

When it comes to their education/jobs, emerging adults seem to change on several occasions what they want to major in and study. Although they may study something that interests them at the time, they sometimes find themselves not working in the field they studied, or they simply cannot find a job. Some emerging adults may realize that their heart belongs in another area and may choose their passion for something over money.  Many emerging adults at this time also go through many jobs during their education, not to precisely stay in that job for life, but they want to have it so that they can receive extra cash for expenses. I personally have had jobs because I needed to have something that could help me ay for my cell phone bills, my clothes, and anything that I would need. Even though I do have my parents, I don’t like asking them for money because I know they do not have a lot of it, since they struggle to maintain their own household. We as emerging adults find jobs such as in a retail store or as a waitress/busboy so that we can receive extra cash, but do not usually keep those jobs after we graduate with a degree and go into our careers, if we are lucky to find one. Although it may be harder to find our dream job, we are optimistic and continue to search for the job that will give us both pleasure and the salary that we dream of. I personally continue to dream of my future an see it as only the beginning to a better life that will not only be for me, but it will also be for the better men of my family.

A subject I found intriguing in Emerging Adulthood was the chapter on Religion because I have always felt that it’s usually more controversial. To start off, I came from a fairly religious family who went to church, prayed, and attended church events that would help our community. My background really encouraged me to come to Baylor because I wanted to grow more spiritually and as an individual who can make a difference in this world. When I came to Baylor, I thought that everyone here was going to be religious and very “into God,” but it was not like this. Although I respect everyone’s religious views, I have to admit that I felt disappointed after talking to a few people that I met because they told me that their families had always been religious, but they just did not really felt like continuing their practices while being in college. Now, after reading the chapter on religion, I really came to understand that emerging adults usually are at the moment in their lives where they are not as religious as they used to be because they do not have their families to encourage them or force them to go and participate in church activities.They are at a point in their lives where they also explore different religious views and may even discover that their native religion may not suit them the best, therefore, they may convert into another religion. What did give me some relief was to know that once emerging adults step into adulthood and begin a family, they will again have the desire to go back to church and find Jesus because they want to have some moral values to abide by and use to help raise their young families.

Earlier in the semester we also talked about our own narratives and how we think our lives will look like in five to ten years from now. I really have to admit that this was one of my favorite parts of class because we all got to share a little about ourselves. I still remember saying that I wanted to graduate from Baylor with both my bachelor and master’s degree; find a job as the head speech-pathologist; get married to my significant other, and have many wonderful children. Although I know this sounded a little over the top for many people, I really enjoyed planning out my life because it helped me mentally prepare for the many things that are going to come as I grow into an adult. Even though I am an emerging adult as of right now, I know that the experiences in my narrative, whether they happen in that order, or even of they do not happen- will help me grow as a person.

In final words, I have to say that all of the chapters in Emerging Adulthood in some way touched my heart because they taught me valuable things that really do represent my persona and the characteristics of other emerging adults like myself. My narrative also really helped me plan out my life and see it from another perspective, while also accepting the fact that it may not always turn out that way. I will always have my hopes up and will continue to live my life as an emerging adult because that’s really the only way we go from being an emerging adult to a real adult. Viva to all emerging adults!!

-Clara

The Problem That Has No Name

After reading the chapter, “The Problem that has No Name,” in Betty Friedan’s book, The Feminine Mystique, I found it very interesting to know that someone actually did research on this subject to emphasize that even women who are housewives have things to deal with. I say this because I have always heard people talk down on women who are homemakers because their work in not valued as much as work that is done in a paid job. I personally feel this is wrong because women or men who stay at home do a lot of work and are always expected to not only do the housework, but they are also expected to raise the children and be involved in all of the child’s school activities. The Feminine Mystique in other words is a book that focuses on explaining that women do not feel satisfied with their lives, even if their lives may seem perfect to other people. This housewife Friedan diligently explains can be a perfect model of the typical middle-class housewife who worries about their husband’s wrinkle-free shirt; little Tommy’s science project; whether she’s going to make pot roast or grilled salmon, and the woman who has a lovable family…but there is just one tiny little bitty problem…there is something missing in between this “blissful life” we as women always imagined to have when were little girls. But what exactly is the problem?.. 

Betty Friedan begins talking about a problem that has no name, which women who stay at home experience. I wondered during many sentences as I was reading what this problem was until I soon discovered it. Although it was not clear at first, I began to realize that the problem many women faced was the feeling of being inferior to men because their identity was kind of taken over by their husband’s identity. I felt even stronger about this answer when we watched the episode of Mad Men. I felt so bad for the lady by the name of Betty because I felt she was not ever able to express her feelings and opinions when her husband was present. It was obvious that a woman’s opinion in that decade was not important to men because I remember some parts in the episode where men would say, “Who cares what women think”. I felt a sense of terror combined with anger when I would sense this type of attitude in a man because I do not comprehend why they think they are superior to women. The way in which men treated women in that decade made me feel that they do not expect much of women and they think lowly of them. Even though one of the girls in the episode has a descent job as a secretary, she is still signaled out because she is a woman by the men when one of them touches her waist after they finish eating lunch. The men in the episode have the attitude that just because they are men, they are able to control women. Let’s take Betty and her husband for example. Betty seems to be having what Friedan calls, “the problem with no name,” because she is a housewife who has a beautiful home, family, and gets the opportunity to spend time with her family. Although she has all these good things, we notice from the beginning of the episode that she does not ever share her opinions or makes remarks like her husband does. The men at the fancy dinner table in the restaurant seem to have control of the conversation while the women just sit there looking pretty for them. The two women appear to only care about their image and are often worried about it because they go to the lady’s room to simply look in the mirror and touch up. Betty’s obsession on her beauty and vanity is clearly exposed when she thinks about the possibility of her daughter getting a scar if she would would have had a major accident. She only appears to worry about her daughter’s physical appearance and not her well-being, which I think is horrible. Although when you think about it, the reason why Betty and many other housewives cared so much about their image was because they felt they did not have anything else to offer to their husbands. I think this happened to them and feel it still happens today because of the way men make the feel. I believe that if a person makes you feel inferior to them and you don’t have a job to be independent from them, they will continue to push you into a hole where you feel that they control your life and that their word is the one that matters and has the final say. We see Betty’s husband being controlling because he personally feels there is nothing wrong with Betty, which makes it seem that whatever he says is the right diagnosis. He also is in contact with her psychiatrists after she begins going, which displays his desire to control her life and be in charge of her.

So how does the feminine mystique and our current society tie in with what I just said about the episode we watched? Well, it means that women feel inferior to men, which contributes to never completely feeling satisfied because men control most of our lives. For example, I think the reason why many women now-a-days want to get boob jobs is to impress MEN. Yes, I think if men weren’t attracted to boobs, women would not get boob jobs and plastic surgeons would be left with zero patients. The only reason why women try to do many of the things they do is because they are trying to satisfy men. I honestly feel this was not the way life was supposed to be, but it is and we can only work with what we have. I strongly believe that many women day whether they have paid jobs or not, still feel and experience the problem that has no name because men are usually the dominant sex. I do feel though that the numbers may decrease as time passes because more women are becoming independent and rely less on men. I feel that if we also change our mindsets and begin doing things for ourselves and worry about being happy for our own sake instead of thinking just solely on what our husbands will think; this will change our position in the relationship. I think that we should not depend on our husbands or significant others to give us their opinion on whether we look pretty. I think we should value OUR opinion and make decisions on our own. I think in the long run, women will be happier with themselves and men will stop being the judge in the relationship. After this, I think both partners will have a say and will be able to have independent ideas.

In final words, Betty’s chapter on, “The Problem that has No Name,”  and the episode of “Mad Men” were valuable sources for me because they helped me realize that women are still living and feeling what other women have experienced in the past. I think it is appropriate to say that it continues to occur, but I am confident that women will become more independent as time passes because they will be able to state their own opinions and will not be overpowered by their significant other’s word.

 

Thoughtfully,

 

Clara Flores